The myth of a pastor's confession

I hear pastors all the time in sermons talk about their "confessions."  When I was a pastor, I admit that I was part of this trend as well.  Pastors like to do this for a couple of reasons.  One, they think it shows them as a "real" person.  Two, it's supposed to link them with all of their imperfect parishioners, thus making them more "relevant."  

As a former pastor, I can say this next statement with credibility: You're not really confessing anything.  All of these so called "confessions" are (I'm sure there are exceptions to the rule, but this is, in fact, the rule) just watered down sins that most likely only hint at what is really going on in their minds.  In some cases, they aren't even sins at all.  They usually take the form of "I don't read my Bible everyday" or "I don't pray enough."  These aren't sins, and when you pass them off as sins, you further alienate the crowd you're trying to relate to.  If you were sitting in a congregation and heard the pastor confess those "sins" to you, all the while you're struggling with something like a drug addiction, porn addiction, or the fact that you beat your kids and feel guilty about it, what would be going through your mind?  It would probably just heap on the guilt even more, and then make you realize more and more that this person speaking to you really doesn't struggle with anything at all.  This makes the pastor completely unapproachable.  

Another one I like is when a pastor talks about how he struggles with lust.  This rings of a true statement and confession, but, in fact, it isn't totally true.  If the pastor was honest, the confession would go something like this: "I struggle with lust.  In fact, I think all the time about bagging the lady sitting in the third row who wears the skimpy clothing."  But pastors can't really do that can they?  Not if they want to keep their jobs.  In all fairness, it isn't all the pastors fault.  The Church is to blame for a great deal of it.  We've created an artificial image of what we want our pastors to be, so the pastors feel they need to live up to it.  

A pastor can't be truly honest, because he can't afford to shatter that illusory image.  I did this when I was a pastor.  I harbored fantasies about certain female parishioners.  I wanted to tell that asshole what I really thought of him and his shitty theology.  I wanted to tell people that sometimes I wasn't sure if God was really there.  I wanted to tell the leadership in my church that I struggled with pornography, but I didn't.  I didn't because I needed the paycheck and I knew my honesty would get me fired.  

So where do we go from here?  How does the Church create a safe-haven for all people, including the leaders of the Church?  How do pastors find a safe haven if they can't get it where they're serving?

      

Turn it around and see if you like it

I got a letter from a hopefully well-meaning Christian the other day that was talking about how we should be offending people on Christmas.  It was the typical shit about how everyone is trying to steal Christmas away from Jesus (as if he gives a damn) by taking "Christ" out of the name.  Then it proceeded to say that Christians should stand up and fight this and stop being afraid of offending people by saying "Christmas."  

Dear Christian, turn it around and see if you'd like it.  What if Muslims were in control?  What if they wanted special treatment for their holidays?  You'd throw a fit.  No matter what we call the holiday, no one can take Christ out of Christmas but you.  When you spend thousands of dollars on presents that you can't afford, you take Christ out of Christmas.  When you go through the whole day and never give him a second thought, you take Christ out of Christmas.  Quit bitching about people infringing on your rights to celebrate and remember him.  No one can stop you from doing that, ever.  

The first Christmas was offensive, but not to the people you'd think.  It was offensive to the rulers of Rome and the religious snobs who thought they had everything figured out.  Christmas should be offensive, but maybe you're the one who should be offended.

We love you, but not really

So why can you be a liar, a cheat, an adulterer, addicted to porn and still be a Christian, but you can't be gay and be a Christian?  We Christians often use the lovely platitude, "a sin is a sin," meaning, of course, that God doesn't weigh our sins, he sees them all the same.  The reality, however, is that we don't believe this shit for a minute.  If we did, then we wouldn't be so quick to say who can be a Christian and who can't.  Everyone would be (and should be) allowed to follow Christ in their own way.  

Another great saying of Christians is, "hate the sin, love the sinner."  Yet another platitude that we don't live out at all.  We basically use this as an excuse to be prejudiced against whores, homosexuals, and anyone else that we find "seedy."  This is on the same plane as people who say, "I'm not a racist, but..."  If they use that you know the next thing out of their mouth is going to be a racist comment.  They use a statement against racism to justify their own racism.  In the same way, when a Christian uses the phrase, "hate the sin, love the sinner," they're just trying to justify their own hatred of the "sinner."  

God isn't fooled.  He knows our hearts.  If you hate someone, dear Christian, then just say it, at least you would be honest.  No one is buying your shit, especially not God.  We should probably be careful to not say who's in and who's out of God's graces, lest we find ourselves on the wrong side of that grace we feel so comfortable in. 

God of War

I struggle with the God of the Old Testament and the God that is supposedly embodied in Jesus.  The God of the Old Testament was constantly urging his people on to war and violence, whereas Jesus constantly spoke of non-violent revolution and love.  

So it seems to me that this leaves us with two options:

1)Jesus wasn't really the embodiment of God and got it wrong.

2)The people of the Old Testament were an ancient people who saw the hand of the gods as being enmeshed in every act and every aspect of life.  Thus, anything they did or saw done to them was a direct act of God.  So when they wanted to go to war, the simple explanation was that God directed them to do it (at least America never does this right?).  Jesus came to dispel this notion of God as archaic and called humans to a higher plane of living.  One in which love and peace are the cornerstones of life.  

I'm inclined to go with option two simply because of my fairly limited studies of ancient cultures.  It makes sense to me, but it drives fundamentalists crazy because you have to start picking the Scriptures apart in order get at the truth.  It also implies that God didn't write the Bible with his own finger (he didn't by the way), but that it was written by flawed humans who's personalities played a part in what was written.  I'll probably write more about that at some point.  

The point being is that I believe that Jesus got it right, and that the Old Testament's idea of God grew out of an archaic understanding of the gods as wrathful beings who inflict dire punishment on the wicked and benefits the righteous.   

Welcome

This isn't a site for everyone.  It might offend you.  If it does, then you have two options.  One, stop reading it.  Two, act like an adult and have a conversation about the stuff that offends you.  

I make no apologies for what I write.  I believe that God loves everyone, including me with my doubts and questions.  You will never convince me otherwise.  I will do my best to show love to all and respect everyone's opinions (even when I disagree with them).  I want this to be a forum where people can have adult conversation without devolving into judgment and hatred.  

Through all of my criticisms of the Church, keep in mind that I love the Church (and, by default, the people in it) and love God.  I'm just fed up with some stuff and I need to get it off my chest.  I have no other safe avenue in my life in which to do this, so I started this blog.  I don't care if you enjoy reading it, but I do hope that it makes you think.